Monday, October 19, 2009

A Sense of Belonging

In Ohio, asians are indeed a minority. I went to school where the majority were Americans, and personally I preferred it that way. When you go to a school knowing you don't look like everyone else, you end up with a diverse set of friends (which is a great way to solve our racism problem). All my friends consisted of some Indians, some Black (hate using that word tho, sounds racist to me), European, a few asians, and the rest were White (also sounds a lil racist..i think its the usage of color...idk). This is the group i grew up with, this is the kind of group I will always have.

I come to California, to a school where half the population are asians. And seeing so many asians in one place, kinda weirded me out a bit. What kinda irked me a bit was that i always saw asians sticking together...HELLO WELCOME TO AMERICA! ever hear of a DIVERSITY? I'm a korean, a full-blooded korean, but i am completely and 100% Americanized that I tend to stay away from that korean crowd. I've made friends with the Americans, I felt more comfortable with them, then with my own kind. I feel like i can actually be myself around them whereas, when with koreans, i feel like i have to put on a mask, and be someone i am not.
For an example: i went to a birthday dinner not too long ago, where there were at least 9 other koreans around the table. I have never felt so uncomfortable in my life. They all had their lil inside jokes, laughing, and having a good time whereas i, just sat there and ate my food and only talked when spoken to. which was 4 times that entire dinner (and yes. i counted).

My sense of belonging is with everyone else, and not the korean population. I guess u can say i discriminate against my own kind, but i can't help it. i grew up with only a small fraction of asian friends. being the person that i am, i will always get to know the person first, and not judge them just by the way they look. i will try to get along with them, but in the end, i just end up annoyed.
i feel like i'm the only asian that feels this way...actually i'm pretty sure of that, but i always found myself different from the crowd. When i want to hang out, I will always choose my Diverse friends over the korean friends i have made here any day.

Another way to reduce racism is thru multi-racial relationships. i love my boyfriend, he's sweet, kind, passionate, and so much more. for those who know him, know this already, for those who don't know him, well now u do, his name is Ryan, and he's my everything. even if i didn't meet him, you will never see me with an asian guy. i'm just not attracted to them. but i'm glad that i did, because he makes me happy.

All in all, with that said, i have found my sense of belonging. I may look Korean, but I am 100% American.

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